“After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d…
“I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” – Fred Allen
“A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.” – Author Unknown
“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.” – John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take…
“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” – Hector Berlioz
“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” – Fred…
“If you have nothing to say, say nothing.” – Mark Twain
“Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.” –…