“I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” – Fred Allen
“A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.” – Author Unknown
“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.” – John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take…
“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” – Hector Berlioz
“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” – Fred…
“If you have nothing to say, say nothing.” – Mark Twain
“Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.” –…
“After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d…